Adaptability.

 Adaptability is, certainly, one of the most commendable and useful skills a human may have throughout their life. Or my acquire throughout it. After all, it's even a part of adaptability to learn how to go through things, to know your limits - maybe desires too.

Or even, protection from hostile environments. Whether it was chosen or not, sometimes we need to read the room so we actually survive (and thrive, albeit barely sometimes.)

But I, in all my small experience as a (not too much of one) young adult, people who were supposed to make the journey easier are the first ones to mess things up. The first ones to show you that life isn't fair, the first ones to open wounds that you weren't supposed to have so early in your life. 

And the worst part is that, sometimes, they don't seem to heal. Not fully, at least. Words thrown away carelessly that make marks that seem to glue into your very soul despite your best efforts to push it away.

It feels like every single mechanism of the brain, usually meant to protection, are bound to fail. Humans are delicate, frail, fragile and all the other words that deep down means nothing but "destructible". And easily destructible, at that.

Or maybe I'm just oversensitive. Which, honestly, seems like a perfectly reasonable possibility.

But I could probably bear you saying terrible things to my face but, never ever, a "I'm proud of you". And that definitely sounds absolutely outraging and ridiculous. I'm truly way more self aware than I was supposed to be, which puts me in a difficult position. 

In all honesty, though, "I'm proud of you" isn't something i remember hearing too much. But i blame it on my bad memory. 

Maybe someday the wounds will heal, maybe I won't feel bad for not understanding the world the same way other people do because, in the end, I know some things aren't about me - but about them. Even if it's damaging, everyone deserves love.

Even when I'm feeling my most unlovable.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mistake

 I've learnt to laugh in the face of my mistakes. Otherwise, i feel like i'd be constantly missing pieces of myself. Pieces i can't afford to lose. I've come to terms with myself that, my mistakes, always seems to be way bigger than they actually are. But chastising myself over it can be utterly foolish ( Even if i know that it'll be in my mind from the moment i commit it to an eternal forever) Well, as eternal as my memory can be. As eternal as my brain can do messy synapses but - it is doing its very best. Doing its very, very best with what it has been given that's far from enough or ideal. Props to myself, we're making it. barely. but there's always sun after the rain. I'm still waiting for my sun although i can kind of see it there. In the end of the line. There's still hope in the lack of big things happening. I swear it makes sense. Because, as long as i'm alive, nothing ended. And i can't ignore, can't try to think otherwise w...
Read more

Swallowing feelings and etc.

I started to write a million things, deleted another million of them too.  As Stray Kids made known: "Oddinary" We, as humans, are not made to be completely equal to each other. We're definitely not meant to just follow a equal path. We are not the same, we don't share stories (not completely) and, we're not supposed to have to be the same as a long distance cousin that seems to be doing better than us.  And, we need to address the thing where some people NEED to be freer than others.  And we should understand that there's nothing wrong with it At least, shouldn't.    And this is kinda why i think that "oddinary" is a good term to use. To people that need to adapt themselves even though they don't feel safe to do so, even when they don't like it, and mostly just because they're afraid of being completely swallowed if they show their TRUEself.  Because, i came to the conclusion that mostly choices we have in life are almost illusion-li...
Read more

Dreams

I realized that things weren't easy when i perceived that dreams aren't for everyone. And there will always be people who'll be acting like you're the culprit and you're the one who just should've worked more to make your dreams come true.  But what do you do when you keep trying but still are not recognized at all? THIS is where we can see that things aren't, definitely, as smooth as people try to make us think it is.  Is almost like guilty tripping are their favorite way of showing that they think "you're good, but not enough so... do better" And, it gets me so bad like, the thing i love the most genuinely has the power to make me the saddest and the happiest person ever All at the same fucking time   And it makes me feel completely stunned but also, i hate it. I genuinely hate every time i need to get up and feel like i'm completely trapped and smashed by every thought about my dreams.   And the fact that i don't know if i'll ...
Read more